up till today, there is only one drama series in existence that can make me shed tears no matter how many times I watch it.

Ruminations by the Water

Finally, I have returned back to Singapore after a grueling but highly fulfilling 18 months in Australia.
Blogging has become somewhat of a luxury for me... Nowadays I prefer to post short snippets of my thoughts on Facebook.. So much easier.

But this thought is an exceptional one not just because of the length, but the reflection on my personal life.

While swimming today, I encountered a small boy and his teacher, both struggling - one exerting his utmost effort to teach, and the other exerting his utmost effort not to learn.
From a spectator's point of view, it was an utterly hilarious sight:

The teacher was using both hands to suspend the boy in the water, enabling him to perfect his paddling motions. Given the impossible chance of drowning, you would expect the boy to be trying his best to simulate what was thought. - but no.
The little boy was screaming and crying, with a commendable effort to, in fact, DROWN himself in that shallow pool. He kept repeating the same mantra that, "I am unable to do it! I am drowning!" in a volume that would make a RSM cry with shame.

Nonetheless, the instructor kept him afloat, and with commendable effort, guided him to the other end of the pool.
The boy was still insisting that he could not do it, even when his feet was touching the base of the pool.


.. Well, it may seem hilarious if you were actually watching it as a spectator. But on closer reflection, I realize that this is how so many people are like, even as adults....
We are given a safe environment to study, learn and excel, but because of restrictions that we place on ourselves, we believe that we are unable to do it.

We are afraid to fail. I am afraid to fail.

In secondary school, we tell ourselves we cannot fail, that we will die if we fail. The same way that the little boy conditioned himself to believe that if he gulped in a few mouthful of water he would die. Consequently, he forgets that the instructor is right next to him.

At work, we fear our bosses. We believe them to be harbingers of doom and slavery. We cannot talk to them because they have transcended mortality. In the same way, it never occurred to the boy that the instructor was his age once, that he struggled the same way he struggled as he had the same physiology as the little boy before. Consequently, the little boy tells himself that he will never achieve the same status as his teacher, causing him to spiral into a series of self-fulfilling prophecies.

We all have that little boy in us that we need to let go. True, some decisions we make in life can be fateful, but more often then not, we are limited by our own personal perceptions.

How easy it is to say that we cannot do it and give up!
By giving up, we reject the complete experience that life has to provide. And, in this day and age, we have so many instructors and teachers with their hands under our bellies, such that if we do go underwater, it isn't that far before we can feel a hand grab us and pull us up.

Appreciate your teachers, don't disappoint them by limiting your potential.

So many social obligations, tearing me into a billion different pieces...

I've achieved a lot in my time here in Brisbane, and I don't think that the things I learn here will go to waste. But my eyes have really been open to so many things.

I miss home..

I miss my friends...

I miss being myself. I can never be who I am around the people I know, because I know they will never understand.

sigh...

Singapore... when I return, will you still have a future for me?

Working with a committee that has totally no enthusiasm, no interest, and no passion is like tiling a field full of rocks with your bare hands.

How can you profit from God's work? or should I say how could you dare to profit from God's work?

my heart is so, so heavy.... I feel like just stepping down...

How can you look at me with conviction and say that you are doing God's work when you keep glorifying yourself by boasting of the works that you do for God?

It is not for my eyes, or for the committee. Let God decide.

I have so much things I doubt about your version of Christianity. True, you may be so much more experienced... but how can you condemn all other churches but your own belief without so much as blinking?

How can you do such a thing??

Are you not God's servant?

I have so much things I would like to say to you. But I will do it before I leave Brisbane.

You make me so, so, so so sad...

The weekend is finally over!

I'm so stressed that when I finished typing my final word on the registry I cried.

I have so much work to do... finally I can start on my tutorials...

and it is 11:00pm already.

Haiz.

Closure..

In life, doors open and doors close. But how many you wish to leave open is up to you, and how many you wish to walk through is up to you as well.

2011 has been a year of change for me.

Major change.

I've learnt things that I could never have learnt myself in Singapore, and skills that outshine any teachable.

- Independence, and Reliance.

Neither is greater then the other, but through hardship, while learning to stand on my own two feet alone, I realized that nobody could be entirely self-dependent.

We may believe that we are wise enough, intelligent enough or strong enough to withstand the weight of this world. But without God, the world eventually will win through.

Well... it's 2012 now, and it's time for my previous year's resolution review!

Let's see...

2011 Resolutions
i. Ensure that my transition to Brisbane is flawless.

It was more then flawless. It was perfect. Even the rough edges became sparkling diamonds when you see God's hands at work.

ii. Be financially independent by June 2011, on proper, decent part-time jobs.

Haha... Thank God, I am having a very decent part-time job now, but I missed the financially independent part... lol... Living costs is just simply too high.

iii. Hit 70kg in ultra-lean, muscle mass.

Aww... no. I didn't manage to get that. I'm still stuck at 65kg. But I reckon my body has improved substantially!

iv. Read the entire bible once through (again).

ALMOST!!! I'm almost there.... err.. ok. Either way, I didn't fulfill this resolution. =(

v. Make at least 3 very good friends in Brisbane.

Yeap! Haha.. Simon, Charlie, Jason,.... I have hundreds of friends in Brisbane... lol

vi. Hit at least 90 percentile in my degree

Haha.. I'm 95th Percentile. =) Thank God!

vii. Perform 30 Pull-ups, Chin-ups, Wide-grip, Narrow-grip without rest by June 2011 and 40 by December.

Eeep... I can barely do that, but currently could if I set my mind on it. *cough* definitely. =D

viii. Explore 5 other major sites of interest outside Brisbane, in Australia.

Lets see.... Sydney, Melbourne, Tasmania, Byron Bay, Sunshine Coast, Gold Coast... Haha.. I definitely did quite a bit of travelling last year. And took a massive number of photos to boot. =)

ix. Learn 1 more new sport that I'll enjoy.
I'm learning Autralian Rules Football, Rugby and Cricket! But I think OzRules is still the most fun.

x. Cut down my fat percentage to below 10%

Nope. Didn't manage to do it. As of after the Christmas period, my BF% is 13.30. Terrible, terrible stat.